Sunday, April 27, 2008

Unlucky 13

True story: On the day The Hubs and I brought our Darling Daughter home from the hospital, I had a major crying fit. The Hubs asked why I was crying and I replied, "Because in 13 years she's going to hate me!"

I love my Darling Daughter with all my heart and soul. She's the best gift I've ever received. I want to be clear on that.

But we're now at the point I dreaded 13 years ago. Her whole attitude has changed. I suspect if you asked her, she'd say I was the one who changed...I can't do anything right, and I don't know very much.

It's like we have a stranger living in our house. A tall stranger who thinks I'm an idiot.

She's an only child, and The Hubs is a workaholic, so all these years it's mostly been just her and I. It's hard to have my constant little companion of all these years suddenly turn on me. I can't do anything right. Condescension rolls off her in waves. The sweet little girl that came to me for comfort and hugs now tends to roll her eyes and sigh in exasperation at my old fashioned ideas.

Ideas like wearing jeans that don't expose your arse to the world. Or wearing a color other than black. (She loves the Goth look as a fashion statement). She spends her allowance on Japanese Anime books. We went away this weekend and her choice of souvenir was a necklace with a skull on it.

When did our paths deviate so drastically?

I know my mother is reading this and laughing. (I can remember when MY mom "turned stupid". Seems like I was about 13 years old. Hmmm...)

I'm told that just about the time they grow out of this stage and become people you really want to hang out with, they leave home. Off to college, off to their own grown-up lives.

Fortunately, every now and then I get a little reprieve. I'm grateful each time this tall stranger has a brief relapse to childhood. Last night we sat and watched the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie, and laughed together, and she accepted my arm around her shoulders while we watched. We both enjoyed our time together.

I suspect our warm and cuddly feeling will last until tomorrow morning, when she gets dressed for school, and I make her change her jeans.


Momma said...

Oh Kathy, I so hope that she does grow out of it. My daughter is 24, and I'm still waiting for her to stop thinking I'm stupid. (But then again, she has other problems, as well...)

Enjoy those moments in which she lets you hold her. She'll remember them, every bit as much as you will. Despite all my battles with my mom, I still cherish the memories of both of us, up in the middle of the night (terrible insomniacs) together. She would tilt her head and say, "Want some hot chocolate?" Of course I said yes. She cooked it in a pan on the stove with cocoa powder, sugar, and whole milk. No microwaves back then, and so much the better.

Hope you have a wonderful day - Peace - D

noble pig said...

Oh man, I wonder if this is going to happen with my boys. The eight year old is already getting a little more fresh than I can tolerate. Hard, but it's their job to go off and explore the world otherwise they'd stay with us forever. As long as they remain safe we'll be okay.

Sue said...

Boohoohoo, I want to cry! K is turning 11 next week. I do catch glimpses of crankiness, but she still will curl up on my lap. I am going to have to ask for more of that and video it so I can watch it in a few years.

Glad that you had a great vacation week! We did too! The weather couldn't have been better!

Dea said...

I dread that day myself!!! (((HUGS))) I'm so glad to hear there ARE reprieves in there. :( I hope you two can stay friends like my mom and I have done....

Anonymous said...

LOL.. I'm giggling.. its mean.. and I don't care! I have the same problem with my son.. almost 15! It's hit or miss most of the time he's great, then all of a sudden, bam, he's the other Jojo.. who hates everyone, who thinks I'm stupid, who thinks I'm crazy..
Hopefully they'll grow out of it.. I did (or did I???)

Queen Goob said...

My daughter is 15 and I BRING YOU HOPE!

She, too, is into the darkening of the hair, and pseudo-goth thing (your daughter seems similar to mine a couple of years ago and believe me, she isn't "Goth" with a capital "G".) Finally, after a year and a half of trying to be the cool/loving/involved mom I was before she hit that “my mom is an idiot” wall, I just started ignoring her scathing and sometimes hurtful remarks. Guess what – she started coming to me and seeking me out. Her friends seemed to like me so that made me less of an idiot and just slightly moronic; a step up if I don’t say so myself. She now asks on a regular basis whether or not I want to do things with her.

So heed me well, ignore your children before it’s too late.

foolery said...

Kathy, if it makes you feel any better . . . not only are you not alone (your readers have shown you that) but there's someone facing a rockier road than you. My 7-year-old has been rolling her eyes at Mommy since she was three. We have butted heads since she was starting to talk at nine months. She has hated me since forever. I still hold out hope that one day we'll be best friends, like my mom and I are, but I think it may yet be 20-30 years, if it doesn't kill me first.


-- Laurie

caution said...

You are my new BFF! When the doctor said, "It's a girl!" all I could think was that some day this little baby would have pms and hate me. I knew at that moment as I lay on the table that I was certifiable. Oh yes, 13 years later, we're there- both she and I.